


Now I Got No Mind to Lose

by musiclily88



Series: Mental [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-29
Updated: 2013-06-29
Packaged: 2017-12-16 14:37:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/863133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musiclily88/pseuds/musiclily88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The boys need therapy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Now I Got No Mind to Lose

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sweet_disposition](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweet_disposition/gifts).



> I AM SO SORRY. My friend and I were joking about the boys all needing couples therapy and I RAN WILD WITH IT oh my god.
> 
> I took liberties with their location and a few other things, but I mostly kept things relevant and included a bunch of recent events because, well, why not.
> 
> (The title is a Ramones song)

“You guys are a mess!” Paul thundered over the loud arguments the boys were having in their dressing room.

“I’m not, he is!” Harry roared in return, throwing a discarded beanie at Zayn.

“I’m not a mess, look at the state of your love life!” Zayn yelled, collapsing onto the sofa.

“Oi, that’s a low blow, Zayn,” Louis growled, chucking a water-bottle at his head.

“I’m calling in a professional!” Paul thundered again.

“A dominatrix?” Liam asked from the corner where he was thumbing through his phone and ignoring the arguments.

“No.”

“A hooker?” Niall asked curiously, stuffing a handful of crisps into his mouth.

“No. A therapist.”

“What?!” the five boys cried in unison.

“As soon as possible.”

**

The five of them shuffled awkwardly onto their tour-bus, heading back to the lounge. “Don’t need therapy,” Niall muttered before sitting down.

“Let’s just get it over with, right?” Liam said, sitting next to him while staring dejectedly at his phone.

“Stop getting moony-eyed over your stupid ex, Liam, it’s unbecoming,” Zayn snapped.

“Shut up, Zayn. Talk to the tattoo portrait of your fucking girlfriend if you want to make personal remarks, all right?” Liam responded.

“Christ, you two, maybe you do need couple’s therapy,” Louis said calmly.

“We’re not a couple!” Liam and Zayn yelled simultaneously.

“That’s the problem,” Harry said with a knowing smirk.

“Fuck off,” Zayn responded, sitting as far away from Liam as possible.

“Okay, fellas,” Paul began as he stepped onto the bus. “This is Dr. Spencer.”

A petite woman with bright auburn hair followed Paul. She was wearing a slouchy cardigan and slim jeans, holding a small attaché case in one hand and a notebook in the other.

“You’re a doctor?” Louis asked, squinting his eyes at her.

“I am,” she said blandly.

“We requested she…dress down in case any paps are around,” Paul explained. “I’m leaving you six here because of confidentiality and all the rest of it, but if you get in a fistfight I swear to God I’ll kill you. Happy therapy.” He left the bus and shut the door behind him.

Dr. Spencer sat down and glanced around at all of them. They returned her stares warily. “Since he mentioned confidentiality, I believe it’d be best to start there.” She set about describing the limits and courses of confidentiality, noting their stiff, uncomfortable poses.

“So let’s do a round of introductions, shall we?” She looked at them expectantly, voice cheerful but professional.

They each said their names.

“Marvelous. So for this first session I just want things to be free-form, without a specific therapeutic goal in mind. I just want to get to know you a little better and see how you interact. Just whatever arises in the moment. Is that all right?”

They all murmured their assent.

“Would anyone like to start?”

“Louis didn’t let me grope his arse on stage tonight and it hurt my feelings,” Harry blurted.

_“Harry.”_

“You didn’t!”

“Sorry I didn’t feeling like outing myself at our concert in—what city are we in tonight?” Louis asked, trailing off.

“Cardiff,” Dr. Spencer supplied, writing something in her notebook.

“Sorry I didn’t feel like outing myself in front of all our fans in Cardiff.”

“I’m not asking you to out yourself, Lou, all the other boys let me touch their arses,” Harry said.

“That’s true,” Niall said. “It’s a right laugh. Makes all the girls go nutters, actually.”

“Not the point, Niall,” Louis said exasperatedly.

“The point is you’re ashamed of me!” Harry responded, flopping backwards onto his cushion and looking very much like a depressed starfish.

“I am not! We can’t all be Zayn, professing his ridiculous love for his girlfriend with the world’s weirdest tattoo,” Louis said with a sigh.

Dr. Spencer bent low over her notebook and continued writing.

“You literally have a fucking stick-figure on a skateboard on your arm, dick,” Zayn muttered.

“You have gross lips on your sternum, too,” Harry added.

“Oh, you wanna go there? Do you actually know who the Green Bay Packers are, then?”

“Yes, I do!” Harry yelled.

“Leave off him, Zayn,” Liam said.

“I can defend myself, but thank you,” Harry said, shooting Liam a grateful look.

“Fine. Then we can talk about how you’re still being a sap over your cheating ex, mm?” Zayn supplied, quirking a brow.

“Fuck,” Niall whispered, rolling his eyes. “Not this shite again. I need a drink.”

Dr. Spencer made another note in her book.

“That’s—is that really the best idea, mate? After all that stuff about you apparently drinking on stage and all,” Harry asked gently, eyes soft.

“That was just a rumor! Your boyfriend was involved in it too, I’ll have you know,” Niall retorted.

“Well, yeah, but it was just a joke, wasn’t it?” Louis asked.

Niall was silent for a moment. “It’s part of my heritage, lads, all right?”

Zayn snorted. “What, alcoholism?”

“I’m not an alcoholic!”

“No one’s saying you’re an alcoholic,” Harry said soothingly.

“Zayn _literally just said it,”_ Niall pointed out.

“Do you think you have a drinking problem?” Liam asked, peering sideways at Niall, oozing sincerity.

“A good question. Niall?” Dr. Spencer voiced next.

“Fucking hell, no I don’t! Plus isn’t this mostly about how much you and Zayn have been fighting lately?” Niall replied.

“Oi!” Zayn squawked, clearly offended.

“Leave off,” Liam added, glaring at Niall.

“He’s got a point!” Louis argued, gesturing vaguely to Liam’s sagging figure.

“Does he?” Dr. Spencer asked mildly.

“You and Harry fight plenty,” Zayn said petulantly.

“We fight like a stupid married couple. You two fight to injure,” Harry responded slowly, giving Liam a sad look.

“We do not,” Zayn argued.

“You do,” Niall said.

“Um,” Zayn breathed slowly.

“Um,” Liam added.

The six of them sat in silence for a few moments.

“Does anyone feel like contributing something at the moment?” Dr. Spencer asked gently.

Silence met her query.

“In that case, I have a couple of questions.”

The boys eyed one another cautiously.

“Do we have to answer?” Harry asked, quirking his brows together.

“No. Not at all.”

“Okay.”

“Liam and Zayn, has there been an increasing amount of tension between the two of you lately?”

“Yes,” Niall provided, shooting them both sidelong glances.

“Thank you, Niall. Liam and Zayn, what do you have to say?” Dr. Spencer added.

“We may have been fighting a bit more lately,” Zayn ceded quietly.

“When did this fighting first begin, do you think?”

“Two months ago, I’d say,” Liam said softly.

“When Liam and Dani broke up for good,” Harry supplied unhelpfully-cum-helpfully.

Zayn hissed quietly.

“Did this breakup have anything to do with your fighting, do you think?” Dr. Spencer asked, biro poised above her notebook.

“I don’t know,” Zayn said.

“Probably not,” Liam added.

“Yes,” said Niall. “Definitely.”

“Agreed,” supplied Louis.

“Does anyone want to discuss why this might have impacted the amount of arguments among the band?” Dr. Spencer requested.

“Well, I mean,” Harry began slowly. “They’re, well, that is, they’re mad for each other, aren’t they?”

Zayn and Liam spluttered pointlessly.

“He has a girlfriend,” Liam said feebly.

“So?” Louis asked, voice dripping intense sarcasm. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Everything,” Liam answered simply. “It has everything to do with everything.”

“A person can be in love with two people, you know,” Louis supplied loudly. “I suppose I should know, shouldn’t I?”

Dr. Spencer resolutely took more notes at this.

“Hey!” Harry called, annoyed.

“Oh, honestly, if you’re going to act like a baby we’ll have to get you some nappies,” Niall growled. “You know he loves you the most.”

“Can we go back to talking about your drinking problem, then?” Harry snapped.

“I don’t have a drinking problem!”

“So your water-bottle wasn’t actually spiked with vodka, then?” Harry asked. When he received no response, he added, “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

“If we’re going to talk about that, can we also talk about Zayn’s dramatic weight loss?” Louis asked, voice gone quiet and serious.

“I have not lost that much weight,” Zayn said curtly, curling an arm around his stomach.

“He’s not doing coke or anything, guys, come on,” Liam said.

Dr. Spencer cleared her throat. “I’m sensing some defensiveness.”

Louis snorted. “You think?” he said, rolling his eyes.

Liam tutted. “Rude, Louis.”

“Sorry.”

“That’s quite all right. I’m also sensing that you are genuinely concerned about one another and some of your arguments are the result of miscommunication of this concern.”

The boys fell silent at this statement.

Liam was the first to crack. “We’re like family, aren’t we? Families fight sometimes.”

“Out of love,” Niall added, nodding.

“Gemma and I fight plenty, but that’s usually because I’ve stolen her clothes,” Harry said.

“We don’t mind sharing clothes with you, Hazza, that’s never been something we fight about,” Louis pointed out. “If we didn’t share clothes Zayn would never have anything to wear.”

Zayn snorted a laugh. “Too right.” He shrugged. “I just like wearing the lads’ clothes more, that’s all.”

“We don’t mind sharing,” Louis said again.

“Even if Liam stretches everything out with his giant damn biceps,” Niall stated, curling up into Liam’s warm side.

“That’s what comes of sublimating your sexual frustration through weight-lifting and cardio,” Harry added slowly.

Liam stiffened against Niall’s side, making sad cow-eyes in Harry’s direction. 

Harry shrugged, looking defeated and exhausted just like the rest of them. The tour had clearly made them weather-beaten and worn, roughed them up and knocked them about. The pressure had made them rely on the people they loved the most, the people who saw them through their worst and most vulnerable moments: each other.

“What the hell, Haz?” Zayn asked quietly.

“Hey, I know things,” Harry insisted.

“More than just a pretty face,” Louis added. “Where would we all be without this band?”

“I’d probably still be a virgin,” Harry asserted.

“I’ve got one up on you for that, then,” Liam said with a snort.

“Good thing we’ve all caught up to your non-virgin coolness then,” Niall said with a laugh. “So. Is this basically couple’s counseling plus Niall, then?”

“Are any of you actually dating one another?” Dr. Spencer asked in lieu of answering.

“Um,” Harry drawled. “Louis and I are. But like, privately.”

“Sorry, Hazza,” Louis said, biting his lower lip. “I’m just—not ready.”

“I know.”

“It’s just us two, though,” Louis added, meeting Dr. Spencer’s gaze before glancing at Liam.

“Don’t look at me like that, Lou. Please,” Liam added, his voice keening slightly.

“Sorry.” Louis shrugged and dropped his eyes to the floor of the lounge.

“I’m fine. I am,” Liam insisted, not making eye contact with any of the other boys.

“Can you expand on that?” Dr. Spencer requested, writing something in her notebook.

“There’s tension, like. Between me and Zayn.”

“Tension?” she asked, eyeing Zayn with a question in her eyes.

“I had a thing for him for awhile,” Zayn admitted.

“Yeah but you didn’t say anything about it, did you?” Liam responded with exasperation.

“Thought you were straight, didn’t I?”

“We all kinda thought you were straight, mate,” Niall murmured into Liam’s side.

“It’s just absurd,” Louis stated emphatically. “He liked you and didn’t tell you and then he started dating Per just as you started liking him and now it’s all gone to shit cuz Danielle’s finished with you.”

“Thanks for the sensitivity,” Liam grumbled as Niall tightened his grip around Liam’s waist.

“Glossing over it isn’t really working, is it? That’s kind of why we’re in this mess, all right?” Louis blurted. “No offence, Dr. Spencer, but this is kind of a clusterfuck, isn’t it?”

“Not the official term, but I understand what you mean,” Dr. Spencer said.

“I don’t like it when everyone fights,” Niall put in, voice small and delicate. “When anyone fights.”

“Sorry, Ni,” Harry responded immediately.

“It’s just a recipe for a Direction disaster, all this dating,” Niall muttered next, heaving a sigh.

“Niall,” Zayn breathed out, arching forward as if he had been struck. “We’re going to be fine.”

“That’s what this is all about, is making sure we’re going to be fine,” Liam said, nodding in agreement and slipping his hand into Niall’s. “Right?”

“I’m not about making promises that I cannot ensure keeping, but this is certainly a progressive step, yes,” Dr. Spencer responded.

“You’re sure it won’t ruin everything?” Niall whispered into the deadened air of the bus.

“It’s not a game of bloody knuckles or something. It’s not like we’re continually punching at open wounds,” Louis responded gently.

“It kind of is, though,” Liam amended.

“We can structure things more specifically so we’re sure to focus on the issues at hand. We can do it however you would like. This about what you five are comfortable with,” Dr. Spencer said gently, looking up from her notebook. “I’m not here to make things worse for you, but difficult issues are likely to crop up.”

“More back issues than Rolling fucking Stone,” Louis muttered, offering a sharp grin.

“More subscribers, too,” Harry added, preening.

Zayn chuckled. “Says our own Mick, with less of a drug problem.”

“You’re one to talk. And anyway I mean the magazine, not the band,” Louis said.

“I know, but his lips should be illegal,” Zayn countered. “Just look!” He threw his hand into the air wildly.

“Believe me, I know,” Louis said with a smirk.

“I think we’ve lost the thread of the conversation here,” Dr. Spencer posited. “But our hour is nearly through. For next time, I’d like for the five of you to come up with some treatment goals.”

“Next time?” Niall asked, perking up lightly from his perch in Liam’s side.

“Oh. Did Paul not mention it? I’m coming on tour with you.”


End file.
